Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
