I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
