Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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