New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
