when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
