It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
meet me or not, i'm out of control
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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