Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
