I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Randomize
