Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
My breasts were aching with rage.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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