I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
