I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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