Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I will be naked everywhere
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
