I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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