Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
