May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I woke up under a house in Key West
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
