He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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