this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
