I hate your face
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
