she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
