Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
