Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
