So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
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Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
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If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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