I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Randomize
