I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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