Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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