I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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