They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
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