I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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