Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
3 2 1 whiskey
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Randomize
