dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
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