It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
