Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Randomize
