so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
