The maid of honor just puked.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Randomize
