I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I faked an abortion last night.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
