If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
