I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
