She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
