I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
