i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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