I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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