i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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