mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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