My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
