she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
