I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
