That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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