shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
