Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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