he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
