bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I think I just shit out all my problems.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
