She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
