On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
