i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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