ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
