he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
she told me i tasted like america
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
