apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
