LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
