he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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