He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize
