How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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