I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
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So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
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It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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