Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
This is classic penis vs brain.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
