I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
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