He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
birth control should be required to get into college
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
