went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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