I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
