Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize