well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
