i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
