Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
