You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
