we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
